A time of protests. Which in a state of democracy, all must participate. But I cannot yell - a bit of trouble with the thyroid. And besides I hate being yelled at so I shrink from shouting at others. Can't say nasty things either. My hostel room mate from school still maintains that I am the only black spot in her life - as her room mate and best friend I did not learn either to drink, or to swear. And yet, as a feminist, as a single parent bringing up two daughters in a city like Delhi, as a Bengali, leaning heavily to the left, I must contribute, I must give advice. Let me choose my first identity for this post - that of a feminist, and share with the protestors a few words, re-defined by the feminist experience. Here you go -
Dissent: a difficult word in a dangerous place. So when you use the word, be prepared. Do not, under any circumstances, expect love and affection, bonhomie and understanding. Drink some Horlicks, put a tube of Boroline in your pocket and prepare for arrest, assault and worse. Here, I must admit to having limited experience. Us feminists have not got as far as dissent. We are still in a difficult place with the idea of consent you see. So if you are cleverer and luckier than us and can get to a less dangerous place with dissent, we’d be very willing learners. We could still help with the experience of assault though.
Secular, unlike what you may believe is a very limited word, with a marked tendency of closing doors instead of opening them, if you are not careful. Being secular involves only one of our many identities as active citizens. But it seemed a good word to use and so we feminists signed on to it. As soon as we did we discovered to our dismay that now everything in our lives from science to sex would be interpreted through this one identity. And worse, we got labeled as being grumpy because we are apparently never satisfied – even with the good things in life. Our advice on this one – choose your causes carefully. Sometimes, when you choose to stand facing the sun, the shadows, instead of falling behind you, wrap themselves around your ankles and yank back. And instead of standing strong, you find yourself face downwards staring at ground zero.
Sedition, to quote an unforgettable English teacher of mine, is like shot silk. What you see depends on which angle you are looking from. Shift your position slightly to the left for example, and you’ll find that what seemed decidedly green now looks saffron. Feminists have occupied this space for a very long time. There seem to be very few things in our wish list that do not seem to be anti state. Looked at one way or the other, in one country or the other, everything we are or do has some time or the other been or is anti state. Voting, not voting, marrying, not marrying, divorcing, having a child, not having a child, having one child, having seven children, having a child outside of marriage, working, not working, working full time, working from home, emigrating, not migrating, staying in the house, not staying in the house, wearing clothes, not wearing clothes, wearing certain kinds of clothes, standing for elections, not standing for elections, having a mobile, not having a mobile, being a porn star, not being a porn star, drinking alcohol, not drinking alcohol, loitering, not loitering, - this list could go on. We have been to jail and worse for most of these. Our advice on this one – look for the fabric and not the colours on the fabric. The fabric holds the inequality, the colours are the conspiracy - meant to blind you to the real thing. In India, dowry was long seen as a cause of discrimination and violence against women. In East Africa, exactly the opposite practice of dowry – bride price was perceived as the cause of violence against women. And in both places, it was always the brides who faced violence. The colours shifted, yet the inequality remained the same. And yet, in India, feminists spent years of very hard struggles to change laws and attitudes towards dowry - only to realise that we had been looking at it from only one angle. In these times of eternal access to information, look carefully at all the colours before you say ‘sedition’.
Freedom: the toughest journey in the world. Do not assume that you will get it free - the price we pay for freedom is the highest we can imagine. Do not assume that you can get there alone - others are essential to your freedom, including, never mind your existing outrage against them - your oppressors. Do not assume that freedom is a place you arrive at - it is a process and as soon as you sit back and relax, you slip back to where you started. Do not assume that freedom is a public idea that sits outside of you - it upholds very clearly feminism's belief that the private is public - you cannot champion for freedoms that you yourself do not practice. Do not assume that freedom is about violence and angst only - it is about peace and tranquility, respect and dignity, and quite often grace and laughter. I have never seen a photo of Aung San Suu Kyi without that flower in her hair. Our advice on this one - if you want freedom, get ready for a never ending journey, not arrival - this journey does not have a destination.
The protestor may well ask, am I arguing for a world where dissent, secularism, freedom, is difficult and so should not be striven for? I argue and work for exactly the opposite, brave protestor – a diverse, equal, sustainable, exciting, dynamic world where everything is an equal partner in Life. This post is only to remind you that we are far from there, that the road there involves a lot of ugliness, that you stand where you do because millions of others have fought all their lives for your freedoms and that the journey, though well worth every battle, is a long, weary and often lonely one. There is no quick fix to get there, no free lunches. And finally, our advice on this one- as the feminist adage goes - you cannot destroy the master's house with the master's tools. We need many new tools to make the world a better place. And new tools need new ideas, new friends, new investments, new languages - work on these, they make the journey worthwhile. Don't waste your time on sloganeering - a feminist friend protesting violently in a group against the Miss India contest outside the contest venue overheard a nearby group of boys wondering why this group of women were yelling. One of them explained seriously that maybe they had not got tickets to the show, like the boys. Another boy said wisely that my friends group was yelling in anger and sorrow because they weren't chosen for the contest. Needless to say, my feminist friend has worked very hard on new tools, cut down her sloganeering and redone her wardrobe.
I trust this set of protests will contribute to this body of learning. And one day we shall become a better people. The world a better place. In strength, support and solidarity.
Dissent: a difficult word in a dangerous place. So when you use the word, be prepared. Do not, under any circumstances, expect love and affection, bonhomie and understanding. Drink some Horlicks, put a tube of Boroline in your pocket and prepare for arrest, assault and worse. Here, I must admit to having limited experience. Us feminists have not got as far as dissent. We are still in a difficult place with the idea of consent you see. So if you are cleverer and luckier than us and can get to a less dangerous place with dissent, we’d be very willing learners. We could still help with the experience of assault though.
Secular, unlike what you may believe is a very limited word, with a marked tendency of closing doors instead of opening them, if you are not careful. Being secular involves only one of our many identities as active citizens. But it seemed a good word to use and so we feminists signed on to it. As soon as we did we discovered to our dismay that now everything in our lives from science to sex would be interpreted through this one identity. And worse, we got labeled as being grumpy because we are apparently never satisfied – even with the good things in life. Our advice on this one – choose your causes carefully. Sometimes, when you choose to stand facing the sun, the shadows, instead of falling behind you, wrap themselves around your ankles and yank back. And instead of standing strong, you find yourself face downwards staring at ground zero.
Sedition, to quote an unforgettable English teacher of mine, is like shot silk. What you see depends on which angle you are looking from. Shift your position slightly to the left for example, and you’ll find that what seemed decidedly green now looks saffron. Feminists have occupied this space for a very long time. There seem to be very few things in our wish list that do not seem to be anti state. Looked at one way or the other, in one country or the other, everything we are or do has some time or the other been or is anti state. Voting, not voting, marrying, not marrying, divorcing, having a child, not having a child, having one child, having seven children, having a child outside of marriage, working, not working, working full time, working from home, emigrating, not migrating, staying in the house, not staying in the house, wearing clothes, not wearing clothes, wearing certain kinds of clothes, standing for elections, not standing for elections, having a mobile, not having a mobile, being a porn star, not being a porn star, drinking alcohol, not drinking alcohol, loitering, not loitering, - this list could go on. We have been to jail and worse for most of these. Our advice on this one – look for the fabric and not the colours on the fabric. The fabric holds the inequality, the colours are the conspiracy - meant to blind you to the real thing. In India, dowry was long seen as a cause of discrimination and violence against women. In East Africa, exactly the opposite practice of dowry – bride price was perceived as the cause of violence against women. And in both places, it was always the brides who faced violence. The colours shifted, yet the inequality remained the same. And yet, in India, feminists spent years of very hard struggles to change laws and attitudes towards dowry - only to realise that we had been looking at it from only one angle. In these times of eternal access to information, look carefully at all the colours before you say ‘sedition’.
Freedom: the toughest journey in the world. Do not assume that you will get it free - the price we pay for freedom is the highest we can imagine. Do not assume that you can get there alone - others are essential to your freedom, including, never mind your existing outrage against them - your oppressors. Do not assume that freedom is a place you arrive at - it is a process and as soon as you sit back and relax, you slip back to where you started. Do not assume that freedom is a public idea that sits outside of you - it upholds very clearly feminism's belief that the private is public - you cannot champion for freedoms that you yourself do not practice. Do not assume that freedom is about violence and angst only - it is about peace and tranquility, respect and dignity, and quite often grace and laughter. I have never seen a photo of Aung San Suu Kyi without that flower in her hair. Our advice on this one - if you want freedom, get ready for a never ending journey, not arrival - this journey does not have a destination.
The protestor may well ask, am I arguing for a world where dissent, secularism, freedom, is difficult and so should not be striven for? I argue and work for exactly the opposite, brave protestor – a diverse, equal, sustainable, exciting, dynamic world where everything is an equal partner in Life. This post is only to remind you that we are far from there, that the road there involves a lot of ugliness, that you stand where you do because millions of others have fought all their lives for your freedoms and that the journey, though well worth every battle, is a long, weary and often lonely one. There is no quick fix to get there, no free lunches. And finally, our advice on this one- as the feminist adage goes - you cannot destroy the master's house with the master's tools. We need many new tools to make the world a better place. And new tools need new ideas, new friends, new investments, new languages - work on these, they make the journey worthwhile. Don't waste your time on sloganeering - a feminist friend protesting violently in a group against the Miss India contest outside the contest venue overheard a nearby group of boys wondering why this group of women were yelling. One of them explained seriously that maybe they had not got tickets to the show, like the boys. Another boy said wisely that my friends group was yelling in anger and sorrow because they weren't chosen for the contest. Needless to say, my feminist friend has worked very hard on new tools, cut down her sloganeering and redone her wardrobe.
I trust this set of protests will contribute to this body of learning. And one day we shall become a better people. The world a better place. In strength, support and solidarity.
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